Altruistic Love... Food for Thought

For anyone reading this that does not know me (which may be a few of you) I have a son named Cason. He is two years old and he is my life. So with that known, here is a little excerpt about me and my thoughts lately.

I have found that Cason is a gift from God directly to me, and others, I believe. Without him there are many things in life I would not have seen or experienced. I remember when I used to put work ahead of everything else... Now I have noticed that everything in life that I do, I do it out of love, caring, and support for Cason. Even if it means being a few minutes late to work, I just can't seem to stop playing or loving on him.

I believe there are two types of providers when it comes to males (and some females). Neither one is better than the other because both are justified in their thinking.

1. Work hard, make good money, build a fund, support your child, and be able to provide many things (toys, books, education, etc) for your children or child.

2. Work hard to be with your children or child, make enough money to be happy but nothing excessive, show them that life is about love, family, living, exploring, creative thought, abstract thought, passion, etc.

I am definitely number two.

I find that Cason enjoys so many things in life that are simple. How many trips to the park have I taken in his lifetime? I don't have the slightest clue. I can say that no toy or amount of money can give him what I have given him through physical contact, time spent with him, and the joys of seeing his face when I chase after him on a slide or the park. I cannot begin to express the joy and happiness in his face and actions. And some might think, terrible two's... not really. The extent of his fussing or aggravation is when we are in the car and he wants to be home so he can play with the dog or get down and ride on every single tractor we see on the roadway (I love in the south.. go figure). Other than that, when he gets super duper tired. Everyday when I see him or wake up in the morning beside him, he tells me that he wants to go outside and ride the tractor (lawn mower to you and me). But he is just now making sentences so it is extremely cute... and hard to tell him no sometimes. So I try to get him doing something else which turns back to, "want rye track-tor." (Which is how it sounds) It's so cute also because he gets about 3 inches from my face, nose to nose, and nods his head and raises his eyebrows as he says it.

Which I know it's cute to me because he is my child but I ask you this...

How is it that I can have an altruistic love towards someone that can't help pay the bills, can't wash a dish (not really), can't clean up, can't pee in the potty yet, doesn't provide any income, and dependant on me to feed, clothe, bathe, read to him, comfort him, to have strength to discipline him, to have the strength to not cry when he is in pain, to not show fear when things are tough, and to be there and be with him when I've had 3 or 4 hours sleep after work but yet I find the strength to keep going... I see and realize those things.... and I think of how God loves us all that much.

It also scares me to be honest. Now that I see what true, absolute, unconditional love is... Am I capable of showing a woman that same love? It scares me to think that I might not find that person that I can be that way with. I know people often say that they are truly happy with someone but are you? Does nothing they do get on your nerves at all? How many of us can say we love unconditionally no matter what the situation? On the other end to that... isn't it the little things that make us happy or even the little things that bother us about our partner that makes you love them even more?

Just food for thought...

I welcome your thoughts, comments, and psychological insights =)